| Ian, 53, Bury |
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| Monday, 17 November 2008 18:20 |
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I believe in God because ...At one time I was convinced that I was less than average and not worth much. I felt that to get the best from life you needed to be ruthless and or selfish. I was not very good at being like that, so felt that I’d have to put up with second best in life. What happiness I did get from life came from other people’s approval of me. I would often compromise on my view just to fit in with people. The result was a life shaped by fitting in with other people. There was little room for me. When I reacted against this I’d end up antagonising the same people whose approval I craved. I felt out of place, I struggled to make sense of where I fitted in and what life was all about. Then I heard some friends talking about God and what it meant to be a Christian. They spoke about being accepted and finding a purpose in life. I realised that I did not have any real sense of purpose in my life. I debated with my friends, what they had sounded too good to be true. Anyway who wants to go to church? As they talked to me I realised that they had a sense of who they were that came from being loved and accepted. They told me that, they were like that because they felt loved by God. They explained who Jesus was and why people needed to get to know him. I was intrigued but convinced that they were really just fooling themselves. I could not see the relevance of someone who lived 2000 years ago to my situation. But inside I still knew they had something that I wanted. My friends explained that sin damages all of us. Both the sins done to us, and the sins we commit shape who we are. I knew that they had put their finger on something, so I went to a couple of CU meetings, at each meeting I felt an increasing curiosity and excitement, until one day decided to try this Christian thing. I prayed a halting prayer I confessed my own wrong doings, and said ‘OK Jesus if you are there I’d like some help!’ I felt very peaceful following this, but nothing spectacular happened. A few days later I realised that the peace was still there and that actually I was feeling OK about being me. I also became more confident, I began to pray and I found I could just be ‘me’ around people. This development continued, and as it did I found that I liked people for who they were. Prior to that I’d only thought about how I might fit in with people, but not much about what they were like. My sense of self worth grew, and my feelings of being less than average shrank. I now know that my problem was guilt. Every wrong thing I did, I counted as a point against me, and I assumed (wrongly); that other people were not like that. As I’ve grown as a Christian, I have found myself enjoying being me, and enjoying being loved by God. Prayer is now a two way conversation with someone who loves me. About a year after becoming a Christian I realised that my view on life had been completely transformed, I loved being me and being around people, I did not need to shape who I was to fit in with them. Paradoxically as I’d stopped compromising on me, more people had accepted me. I know God is there because of the changes He's made in me. More than that I've seen the people around me get healed as we've prayed for them. Real people, with real illnesses, that have really been healed, by a very real God! I am a self employed adhesive consultant,married with three children. I love life, and have a passion for;being with people, playing percussion, eating good food,reading good books, being a Lancastrian, malt whisky, and liquorice! |